dealing with melancholia

How can we help but be melancholic at the moment?  In the last 12 months, we have had natural disaster after natural disaster, with countless people being killed around the world from Pakistan to New Zealand and Japan, others whose homes and livelihood have been destroyed and our understanding of the devastation that can be wreaked has been brought home to us.  It gives me a sense of impermanence, a deep underlying anxiety about what else is in store for us to deal with and a frustration that people cannot understand that we cannot keep tinkering with the earth and pulling gas and oil from the core without suffering consequences.

So, it's even more important to celebrate the goodness that is in the world, while we also acknowledge the suffering.  My mission here today is to share with you some of  the moments of goodness that have sustained me over the last month or so.

The first is of course the joy I find whenever I walk along the ocean coastline on the Mornington Peninsula and swim in my favourite ocean pool at the Sorrento back beach.  Particularly when the tide is up, but the pool is still demarcated, the sheer pleasure of swimming in a reasonably placid but deep pool of clean ocean water, while watching the power of the surf coming in and out is a wonderful way to be reminded of the goodness and power of nature and the joys it can provide as well as the devastation.

Some of my mum's great grandchildren at the family gathering at McLelland Sculpture Park

 The second is my family, we had an extended family get together with my mother who now has little idea of who we are, often thinks I am her sister, but clearly loves being surrounded by her children and grandchildren.  While we have the usual family tensions, it is good to get beyond them and find the joy in the connections, particularly with my own family and the nieces and great nieces and nephews. And it has been good for my soul to have Em, one of my daughters over here and having time with her, her sister Beci  and the always so delightful grandchildren.  It does seem, (rather strangely, given I was not a particulalry good cook when they were small, although food was always an important part of our being together) that we make our best connections over food.  This time we went to DOC in Carlton for the most delicious ever Mozzarella and pizzas and celebrated the launch of my son in laws new venture the Taco Truck.

Continuing on that theme, this weekend I had the opportunity to take the two grandsons down to the beach house and had a most magical evening while the sun was setting, swimming in the bay, Tyke showing me how well he can snorkel and Ari having the loveliest time on the boogie board.  Being able to share my love of the water is certainly a high point and the best nourishment for my soul.  Though Ari reminded me of the constant signs of the fragility of life when he sought reassurance that his little friends in Tokyo who he visited with his family last year were 'safe'. 

So the lesson I think is to be with the ones you love, celebrate the good things that happen while grieving with the people effected the bad things that can happen.  Live for the moment and live simply so we tread lightly on this earth.



A berry clafoutis made by the other half on our new blog



Finally of course the goodness of food carefully prepared by friends and family always helps to bring a smile to my heart.  On that note, I am starting a new blog with a friend so watch this space for a link.  It will focus on the food and alcohol we need to help us survive those moments in life that seem unsurvivable and to celebrate the good things in our life.  Luckily my friend is an excellent cook (unlike me) and also has the most amazing ability to grow vegetables and eggs courtesy of her chickens. 

wild weather and what to eat and drink

Apples on our tree - will use them tonight to make my current favourite apple crumble using nuts and butter for the crumble

Rocket from the garden, the doona stealing weasel does most of the gardening producing corn, cucumbers and tomatoes at the moment, but I do the rocket, lettuce and spinachy things

Jac ignoring the warnings about swimming in floodwater - the bikepath in our local park

 

Well it's been a crazy weather time in Australia, Queensland floods Victorian floods, Cyclones and more floods here. I am sitting in my study with no lights because we have water dripping through the light fitting from the latest storm. Waiting waiting for the builder designated by the insurance company to contact us, but knowing we must be a long way from the top of the list because so many people are worse off. We have no wet carpet, still have some power so food in fridge is okay and we can cook, what else do we need? The woman on the phone for the insurance company was delightful, said she hadn't had lunch because everytime she stopped she saw there were over 400 calls waiting so wanted to help respond to them. It took over half an hour for me to get through so I did appreciate it

Melbourne is living up to it's 'if you don't like the weather just wait' reputation. 40 degrees last week, hot and sticky on Friday and today we are down to 19 and cold with minimums of 12 forecast for this week. Love it, never boring.

The sun is shining even though it's cold, the garden is so well watered, the tanks are full, we have lots of cucumbers in our garden, the world is a pretty good place.

Life has been hectic with the doona stealing weasel's son and family here for a week. I learnt how to play scrabble with an IPAD and using Iphones as the rack for the letters - interesting experience! And we went to Geelong adventure park - recommended for fun, though poor old Ari missed out on lots f things because you had to be 1.2 metres to go on many of the water slides. He did try to tell the man guarding the entrance to the Aqua Racer that he was that high but to no avail, still the tiny tots area was great and we all had a ball... I did not have to try the scary water slides as I had the excuse of having to stay with Ari (memo to self do not take boys when Ari is 1.2 metres high).  Made a pavlova for them and have a photo now to prove it...

But relaxed this weekend at Rye with Annie, some sparkling wine, those delicious white anchovies, ciabatta, freshly picked tomatoes and rocket, fried haloumi cheese and delicious chocolate from the always reliable Aldis. Little nervous though after a report of a snake being seen in the backyard and slithering off to shelter in next doors long grass. I don't mind snakes too much, I know they'll try to keep away from me, but worry about the lovely Jac deciding it would be a fun thing to chase, so kept her locked in at night time. Had bellbirds in the back yard - beautiful sound always, and so many pelicans, they must be celebrating all the water lying around.

Swam in the bay after the storm with grey skies and the most amazingly green sparkling water, quite weird. Put up a new clothesline to replace the one that keeps breaking down there - made an old fashioned one using rope and trees, it worked and looked beautiful from the decking with the towels and sheets flapping in the wind. I will just have to make sure laundry is always colour coordinated and bright! And invented a doovylacker to keep out the flies and mossies for the front door, by using shade cloth some dowling and few lead weights - pure genius, photos to come.....

And now for my attempt at Haiku

The rain is falling

water leaking from the roof

will the roof fall in?

The rain stops for a moment

oh and now the sun is shining

makes a garden paradise

Melbourne summertime!

the bob that sailed away

I am not sure if it's appropriate at the moment to be writing a blog about something that's sailing away when we are in the middle of the horror of the Queensland floods where we hear reports of people in Brisbane watching fridges, pontoons, whole trees and in Grantham, houses, floating along the flood waters. It is a major tragedy which will take communities a long time to recover from.

However, I feel the need to tell you our bob story. Because we were planning to come down to the beach house, I thought it would be nice for Christmas to get Ari a blow up beach toy. Luckily I work with a woman whose husband has a Clark Rubber store, so I asked her to bring in a selection for me. And I chose Bob.. a very strange shaped toy - maybe resembling a sea horse, or a strange seal? But it was orange with pink spots so I thought Ari would like it. We brought it down to the beach house and then faced the problem of blowing it up! I tried with my air, but soon realised it might not get blown up until next Christmas. T tried too. Then we went down to the disposal store and bought a foot pump! T proved an expert at the foot pump and he blew it up quite quickly and it was BIG. Probably bigger than Ari!

So off we go to the beach, T A and me. T rode on it first,it was fine, good fun. Then it was A's turn. I went beside him and he managed fine, because of the shape it was a bit hard to balance, it was sort of seahorse shaped or strangely banana shaped, so he could sit on it quite easily,but the balance was a bit tricky. However, he managed and was floating along quite finely with me walking beside him when VOILA! (Harriet's influence here) he fell off. So of course, my focus was on saving him, which we did quite successfully, alas, while I was busily saving A, the bob decided to float out to the open sea (If you can call the bay open sea) anyway it headed off in the general direction of the city! So with T standing in the shallow water I grabbed A and headed off after the 'bob' as we decided to call it after watching it bob way from us. It was a windy day and the wind blew that bob -remember it was bigger than A, out to sea further and further away. T decided to follow us and pushed his way through chest high water until he came to the sandbank, where I realised the chase was futile. T was distressed! Go and get it Grandma he yelled as it bobbed away into the distance.

We stood and watched, while I gave a little and much unappreciated talk on the Buddhist concept of attachment and learning to let things go. As we walked back to shore we continued to watch the orange and pink bob growing smaller and smaller. Just as we arrived at the beach we saw a motorboat pull up next to our bob and pull it into their boat. Then they motored off in the direction of Sorrento - they did not think to come into shore to see who had lost a bob! They were bob stealers! So we had a discussion about what might happen to the bob, our favoured interpretation was that it would be given to a poor unfortunate child who did not get any Christmas presents. And on that thought and the promise to revisit the disposal store to replace bob with a more practical blow up toy, everyone was happy. I lay on the sand while the boys had a wonderful time on the rocks. The replacement ended up being a most peculiar looking cow which, most importantly, had handles which we could thread a rope through and which I found the next day, made a very comfortable back rest while the boys played, splashed and collected jellyfish.

The moral I think is, don't have floating beach toys that you can't attach a rope too, and, if you do, prepare children who may be involved with a talk on the Buddhist concept of attachment, or non attachment which is more appropriate, and make your first priority the child who falls off rather than the material thing, which can be replaced even if it is with a very strange looking cow.

conundrum of an early morning visitor

A completley unrelated photo of the grandchildren playing with

Glow sticks on New Years Eve - my last photo for 2010!

This is something I need some feedback on. This morning around 3.00am the dog started barking furiously, then the doorbell rang, after I had struggled out of a deep sleep, stumbled around the house to get a dressing gown and got my head together I turned on the front porch light and asked who it was, of course fearing that it was the police bringing bad news about someone or some other crisis.

The reply was,

'hello love, my name is Val and I need to get back to Box Hill and don't have any money - could you give me some money for a taxi?"

I could see through the glass a short, older slightly dishevelled woman with a shaved head. The dog was continuing to bark, Val continued talking along the lines of she was a pensioner - (she held up her pension card to the glass so I could see) , she didn't want to be a nuisance, but if I could help her get home she would appreciate it.

Now, I am used to dealing with people who are less fortunate than I am and who may be a little confused or even aggravated. Where I work we have a needle exchange and I never get fussed if I am working late and someone rings the bell to get a pack for the night. I deal quite calmly with people who 'lose it', who are agitated or upset. I often give money to the people who frequent Melbourne's streets asking for money. I am intrigued that most commonly they say they need it for fares to get home and home is always a long way away (we must have the best travelled asking for money class around the world), but I also feel comfortable saying no when I feel like it, though I generally try to be pleasant about it. I cope with all of that. I see myself as a compassionate person, and have a problem managing money because I generally don't see that I have a greater right to it than anybody else. But somehow this door to door approach threw me completely,

First I thought 'well she might really be distressed and unable to get home - I can't just leave her on my doorstep'. Then I thought, 'but what if there is a whole gang of people (or even one) behind her waiting to rush the door to attack me and the doona stealing weasel (henceforth known as the DSW) , and take me down to the ATM to steal all our hard earned cash - and they probably wouldn't shut the door behind them, leaving the dog at risk of escaping or getting squished by a passing car.' Then I thought 'why me - do I have some kind of light over my head saying come and have a go at me, I am a sucker?'. Then it was ' but she looks harmless enough and what if I don't give her money and she gets attacked on the way home and suffers post traumatic distress for the rest of her life.' The DSW was of a mind to just pretend it wasn't happening and go back to bed.

I decided to give her some money but wanted to work out a way of doing it where I would not feel unsafe. I looked in my wallet and had two $50.00 notes - oh no if I give her that much that would be a green flag to just keep on coming back. I scrabbled around for a five dollar note and the change I had in my wallet and put it into an envelope and opened the side door, called to her and left it on the car. 'Thanks love' she shouted through the closed door, 'how do I get to Box Hill?' I opened the door a crack and pointed to the main road and told her she would find a taxi there and she wandered off.

The dog finally stopped barking, the DSW went back to bed and started snoring. And I was left.. wondering.... had I done the right thing? Should I have called her a taxi and paid the taxi driver? What was she doing walking down our street at 3.00 in the morning (no shops or pubs or other public gathering places)? Should I have called the police - what if she was casing the houses in our street for burglary? What if she had come to the side door which was unlocked and just walked in the house? Would we have woken up? Would she have woken us up?

It unsettled me, usually I don't worry about locking doors or windows. But now I went around and locked all the doors - too many windows to worry about! I was suddenly aware of how many windows there were in the house and how completeley insecure it was. I could not sleep for the rest of the night. Was she aware of how unsettled she had made me feel? Would she care if she was? How unsettled and difficult must her life be for her to do that - leaving herself so vulnerable?

So my conundrum (or is it a dilemma?) is how does one deal with such situations while retaining a sense of safety and a level of compassion and concern for our fellow human beings?

Oh and the relation to food - to calm myself down I had a lovely piece of the third pavlova I have ever made (sorry still no photo) and a nice cup of green tea.(Should I have offered her pavlova? - it was very good, crisp and crusty outside, soft and marshmallowy on the inside). I pondered opening a small bottle of Prosecco that was in the fridge but thought that could contribute to a sense of nervousness rather than calm me down.

Next blog I will tell you the story of our escapist blow up beach toy, but for the moment I would welcome your advice - what should I do if it happens again - what would you do? And what would you eat or drink to comfort yourself afterwards?

Christmas and beach holidays

Great grandmother

The feast cooked by Bec

The choir in action

Well, after all the trepidation, anticipations, build up, trying to pretend it's not happening Christmas is over for another year. And what were the good things about it? Quite a few, however still thinking of doing something completely different next year.

First so far things have apparently got no worse between the two Koreas, so we can all breathe easier for a little while.

Second, my niece brought her daughters along with some friends and their music teacher, to my mother's nursing home to sing for them. What a delightful thing to do and the people their who are capable of showing emotion seemed to enjoy it. Mum appeared to be quite pleased and loved having the kids there. So good to see the girls enjoyed it too and had such confidence in performing and doing something to add pleasure to someone else's day, true spirit of Christmas I would say!

Third, started off Christmas day with a scrumptious breakfast cooked by Raph, and had a lovely beginning to the day at their place, with the kids. Then went to my mates for a delicious lot of crackling which the lovely Norm had cooked on his barbecue, yes it was around pork, but it was the crackling that got to me - cooked to perfection. And...... I cooked my first and second Pav, trialling it with the doona stealing weasel's daughter and family on Friday night then again for A and N on Christmas Day, and, even if I say so myself, it was pretty lovely, forgot to take a photo so will have to make another for a photo opportunity! Thanks to the lovely Stephanie Alexander and her recipe! Is that what Christmas is about sharing good food that has been cooked with thought and care, with people we love and spending time with them?

Then a little downer as Mum was unwell, so went to see her instead of taking her out, she was quite tired and found it hard to even stir from her bed. However, after helping her shower and getting her back to bed with clean PJs, A and I sang to her, dredging our memories for the old songs and she seemed to enjoy that (despite our relatively tuneless voices). Or maybe that's what it's about - remembering the people who are lonely or ill and thinking about what we can do for them?

Fourth the beginning of a whole 7 days down at Rye - what bliss! And even blissfuller is that bec and the kids are sharing it. So we've been down to the beach several times, T went into the water fully clothed despite the cool weather and A ended up taking all his clothes off to go in the water and then made sand angels several times so I ended up with a car full of sand. We all spoke to E on the phone and she sounded like her day was good, so all is well with the world! A has been carrying around the 'rainbow' dinosaur with him that his lovely aunty sent over. In Australia, christmas and the beach can be synonymous - seafood, games on the sand, kids in the water - is that what Christmas is about and making connections with people we love who are far away?

Drank much Australian sparkling wine, bit of red because it's been so cold and have a lovely glass of Cool Woods Eden Valley Pinot sitting by the laptop at this minute. Now that is definitely part of Christmas!

Fifth B cooked us a most delicious meal last night - see pictures, slow cooked lamb shoulder with a zucchini and tomato dish, salad with dill and yoghurt dressing all quite yummy. Then tonight went to my favourite pizza place on the Peninsula, Pizza D'oh who make the best seafood pizza I have ever had - prawns, scallops, calamari and fish with fetta - washed down with a local Pinot Gris. so maybe it just all comes down to food, sharing time with family and friends we love, connecting with people we can't be with and finding time to do the things we enjoy because we have a holiday.

So it would be hard for life to get better, the boys are sleeping peacefully on the loungeroom floor, having decided they wanted to watch Harry Potter, picked up a children's bike for $10.00 at a garage sale and after T's first remark of 'Grandma why did you buy a girl's bike?' he has found he can ride it and says it's a bit like a BMX bike because it has fat wheels.Loved the gregarious ans trusting natureof kids when T decided he wanted to make friends with some boys he saw playing on the street (another great Australian tradition) And, to top it all off, have an excellent book waiting on my bedside table.

Peace and good wishes, may you all find a sanctuary to share with your loved ones and loved ones to share your sanctuary.

The conundrum of Christmas

The apricot throwing street urchins at Beatbox

Some of the lights

First a little debrief, then on to the things that make me happy! In case you haven't noticed, Christmas is rapidly approaching. A time of year that I may have mentioned I find quite tricky. It has been made trickier by a post someone put on my facebook page, basically saying the celebration of Christmas is part of the great Australian tradition and people who don't like it should leave and the person doing the post offered to help them pack. So, the conundrum for me is that I do like celebrating parts of Christmas - giving and receiving presents, catching up with friends and family and, of course, eating and drinking. However I don't like the commercialism, I don't like the tinned Christmas carols played relentlessly in shopping centres and I particularly don't like suggesting that people who don't celebrate Christmas (or other 'Australian' traditions like football, or swimming or whatever) don't belong in Australia and should put up or shut up. The impact of the post has made me not want to celebrate Christmas, to not want to join in the sometimes forced merriment or wish people a merry christmas.

Ok the debrief is over, thank you for your tolerance. Now to the things that made me happy. First Melbourne's weather is it's usual changeable self, something I quite love, heaters and snow in the mountains one day then a beautiful balmy evening like tonight and last Saturday the next. I got to swim in the bay on Saturday, came back to look after the kids while Bec helped out in Beatbox, so took the kids to the park for a Beatbox burger - yummo..... washed down with a beer courtesy of Ed. The highlight was watching the kids who were there amusing themselves for hours by picking up apricots that had fallen from a tree, throwing them on to the road then watching to see if the passing cars would squash them. There was something about the simplicity of it all and the confusion and interest of the car occupants who weren't sure why the kids were waving at them excitedly which was quite wonderful to watch.

We had an end of year get together for the team at work and instead of going out for lunch they had decided to use hall in a community centre, have the makings of sandwiches and have a musical lunch. So, we had guitar, ukelele, drums and good and not so good voices. We had words to songs we had enthusiasm, we had the crazy Kris Kringle that we have every year which demonstrates what causes people to become possessive or passionate about objects. And, it was fun, it was a way of celebrating the end of the year and the Christmas season which was about connecting with each other rather than just eating and drinking (not that I am against that of course!).

I went with Bec to a session of Women of Letters, in the very gracious old Thornbury Theater, where a panel of women were invited to write a letter about their best present ever. Megan Washington wrote about what a gift coming to Melbourne from Brisbane as a 20 year old was, Jane Clifton wrote about being given a 1995 Nissan Pintara and being weaned from Volvo driving, Jo from Frankie wrote about the gift of 'Fagnetism' the wonderful Julie Zamiro wrote about the gift of being able to spend Christmas time alone and curled up with a book (and showed off her beautiful French) and Romi did a wonderful performance about love and life. And for me, the afternoon was a gift because it was shared with Bec and she had thought I might enjoy it.

Then last night the boys came to stay. The doona stealing weasel and head chef in our house cooked the most delicious roast lamb (the weather was cold). It was so tender and moist and the boys loved it. I had a new Pinot Noir which had arrived a few days ago which seemed appropriate yo have with it. My brother turned up with some mugs which we have been wanting to get for some time but they are made by a local potter in a small town near Wagga in the back of beyond so we had not been able to. He had gone through and the shop was open and he knew we wanted them so now we have replacements and a bit more for the ones we have broken.

For some reason the people in our street have started lighting up their houses at Christmas, so while I bemoan the waste of energy and am concerned about the impact on the environment I actually enjoy them immensely (like fireworks). They enchant and delight me. However, in this hemisphere they don't make a lot of sense as it gets dark so late and light so early at the moment. I had promised the boys we would go for a walk to look at the lights, so they had to stay up until 9.30 then T insisted on riding his bike. But it was worth it. They loved the lights, we even found one at the end of the street that had lights, nativity scene, christmas tree and even music playing. We went along the street A in his pusher, T on his bike and T sang the Star Wars version of Jingle Bells, A sang the 'straight' version but then started making up his own and it was bloody wonderful. There was general agreement that the music one was the best, though T thought the one with the Green lights in the shape of a 3 dimensional Christmas tree almost beat that. A declared all of them 'wonderful'.

The downside this week has been that there is a bit of craziness again between the 2 Koreas which is introducing a bit of a sour note. So good vibes are constantly being sent to keep the family over there safe and we hope for commonsense to win and peace to prevail. Peace and goodwill to all.......

beaches, carol singing and new cocktail

I got quite excited when the local opshop had all these rubber ducks for sale for only 30 cents each, so bought a few to come and live in the bathroom here. With the addition of the battery candle from the Carols, I thought they made a delightful looking choir.

A bit of kitsch that I managed to stop myself buying at the local market - it's a solar lamp Bridgewater Bay around sunset

Rye beach at dusk
I am currently down at my favourite escape place, the place where I find sanity and peace. It is down on the Mornington Peninsula. Have come down here with a good friend who is over from France and looking forward to enjoying our summer, however we have failed badly as have not yet managed to get above 20C and had cold winds and rain constantly, so today as we enjoyed our umpteenth beach walk, Harriet actually put her gloves on.


Despite that it has been a lovely few days. I have done lots of work around the house, with good advice from H, visited the local markets and lots of trips to Bunnings! And we have had lots of walks along the beach, despite the cold it has been quite beautiful. We were lucky enough to be here when they had the Carols down on the foreshore, the music was a bit forgettable, except for a 13 year old who was quite amazing, but the atmosphere was great. Kids running everywhere waving their (battery operated) candles, with the sea in the background, lots of enthusiasm and to top it off, fireworks, which of course traumatised poor old Jack (the dog) completely. I had to sit down and hold her, her little heart was beating rapidly and I felt quite bad for not thinking about how it would effect her, although I had not expected fireworks. I found myself next to a woman who was holding her spaniel who was just as traumatised as Jack. I think she has finally forgiven me for subjecting her to such torture.


One of the finds at the markets was a woman who makes ice cream and sorbet. When I tried her lemon and mint sorbet, my first thought was what a wonderful drink it would make, particularly in summer. So last night we tried this delightfully tangy sorbet with Prosecco. Filled the glass 3/4 full with the sorbet and then poured the Prosecco over and it was to die for. Last night was a bit cool, but on a hot summer evening it would be perfect. Despite the tendency towards freezing last night it was still quite enjoyable, so it is on the list for the festive break down here. One of the lovely things about the market is the reassurance that it is still a bit country style down here. the woman who makes the icecream/sorbets, gave us her address and said if we want any flavour in particular to ring her and let her know and she will leave it in the freezer she keeps in her driveway and we can pick it up and leave the money... I love that sense of trust in people.