saying goodbye to a good woman

If you don't like reading about death or dying don't read this post.  This post is a tribute to my mum who died a little over a month ago.  She died after lying in hospital unconscious for just over a week, after having a cerebral haemorrage.  Her life was hard, she was one of twelve children in a family that was far from comfortable, her mother died when she was 18, she helped look afer her younger sisters and brothers, she was attacked by a man with an axe on her 22nd birthday and sustained injuries so serious she had to learn to talk all over again.  But she went on to get married, and had me and my two older brothers, travelled overseas for the first time by herself in her 70s and generally had a full life full of love, joy and hardship until she died at 90 .

We  recently had a celebration of her life, where her remaining brothers and sisters gathered with our extended family of grandhcildren, great grandchildren and assorted family and friends to say goodbye.  We made speeches, drank champagne and danced the Pride of Erin.

Mum (wearing the hat) with some of her brothers and sisters

So as I was sitting in the hospital with Mum and watching every one of her grandchildren visit her and talk and share memories of her with each other and share memories of their times together, it made me think of the stuff that binds us together as family, as friends, as part of a community.

Mum with my grandchildren

And I thought that family is about those threads that connect us, that are made up of shared memories, of stories, of times of sadness and loss, times of frustration and sometimes anger, times of great joy and celebration.  I thought that the threads are created by love, by friendship,  by shared activites, by caring, or just by being a friendly face when you walk down the street.

Sometimes those threads hold us tightly and warmly, sometimes they feel like chains that we want to break free of, sometimes they fray a little bit and the connection is lost for a while, but what is important, is that the threads are always there, waiting for us to pick them up.  They are the memories that are woven into our lives. 

For me mum was the start of the thread, the one that gave me and Frank and Harold and Patrick life.  She was, for our family, for the grandchildren, the great grandchildren, the one that bound us together, that would wrap around us when we were sad or lost and that would be a bit looser when we needed to move out or on, that would wave up and down with us when we were celebrating and that would just lie quietly around when we were all okay.  

Mum's remaining brothers and sisters

The threads of Mum’s life brought people together to celebrate her life, whether that connection was as a sister, a brother, a daughter, a son, a grandchild or great grandchild, a niece or nephew or a friend or carer.  And those threads extended out to those who were not with us for the celebration – her grandchildren, Emily, Simone and Rhowena, to the lovely Michelle who should still be with us but who is maybe now sitting with Mum and Norm, my dad, with Christine, with Patrick the child they lost and all Mum’s brothers and sisters who have gone before, Lil, Glen, Stan and Bell.

Maybe it's worthwhile to stop and refelct about the threads in your life, to think about the ones that you want to hold tightly and remember the ones that you may have let go of for a while. I know that wherever we go and whatever we do, the threads that connect us to the people who are still here and the ones who have gone, continue to weave themselves through our lives so that no-one is ever truly not with us, they live on in what we do, in how we think, they live on in our hearts and our memories and they help make us who we are…..

.

Autumn in Melbourne no 2

I am still in love with autumn in Melbourne (and surrounds including in this blog Daylesford).

The leaves this year are just stunning, apparently a result of wet summer and now deep cold snap. 

So when I walk the delightful Jac in the morning I have been collecting leaves, I love watching them dry out and curl up, but then they lose their colour, so how excited was I this morning when I found a flower press in the op shop.

So watch out for the progress of my pressing!  And of course because it is autumn and I am celebrating the weather, a lovely glass of Truffle Hill shiraz while I cook my chickpeas to make some humous..... And the garden is giving us rocket, sugar snap peas, silverbeet, the ever present chilis, the garlic is springing up and just planted some broad beans.  Life is good hey!

Hope you are enjoying the weather and your surrounds wherever you are.

autumn in Melbourne

I love Autumn in Melbourne, with warmish sunny days, autumn leaves, cold nights so you can light a fire or snuggle under a warm doona, but sitll occasionally warm enough to entice one to go for a quick plunge in the clear seawater.

This autumn I've been enjoying having the grandchildren at the beach, loving watching the new plants germinate in the garden -we have garlic growing everywhere and walking the dog in the morning is an absolute joy with the lorikeets enjoying the flowering gums.  The Easter bonus was accompanying Bec and the kids to an easter egg hunt at Cranbourne then going to the Royal Botanic Gardens at Cranbourne.  The beautiful red centre of the gardens, the children's garden with a dinosaur made from old logs, the water feature where the children could paddle and play stepping stones and the amazing variety of Australian plants was a delight to the eyes and warming of the soul.  Spying a number of bandicoots in the surrounding bush topped it all off beautifully.

Happy hour for dog walkers

Now I know most people associate happy hour with a drink after work or at the local pub (or wine bar if you are a bit sophisticated!).   However me and the bloke I live with (the doona stealing weasel title has been stolen by Jack the dog) are part of an informal local dog walking group - well walking is actually a bit of a misnomer because the two legged animals tend to stand around and talk while the four legged ones run, wrestle, pee on any bags left on the ground, look for food, roll on smelly bits of ground and generally have a good time.  The group is at times referred to as the ALP - the Australian Labradoodle Party, although in true inclusive style, recognising the multicultural nature of our community, four legged animals from culturally and linguistically diverse (and occasionally unknown) backgrounds are allowed to be members. 



Members of cabinet seeking a briefing from a staffer

A debate in progress

The self appointed PM of the party is Benji, who this week declared that as the staffers (the two legged animals)  of Cabinet Ministers (the motley assortment of four legged animals) were seen to be suffering from stress due to heavy workloads they deserved a Friday Happy Hour.



A pre cabinet caucus meeting

 So the staffers were allowed to bring beverages such as wine or beer.  Which we did and a very civilised way it was to spend a balmy autumn afternoon in Melbourne as the sun was lowering, the dogs played and peed and the staffers quaffed.  The favourite tipple was white wine, we had a delightful Beelgara Estate Range Pinot Grigio, very soft, slight pear overtones and quite pleasant.  There was almost a disaster when a cabinet minister thought the wine glass could be water, however decisive action on the part of an observant staffer averted a problem.



Taking a break form the rough and tumble of cabinet

Should we call a point of order?



na na na na na - I've got the ball




 

dealing with melancholia

How can we help but be melancholic at the moment?  In the last 12 months, we have had natural disaster after natural disaster, with countless people being killed around the world from Pakistan to New Zealand and Japan, others whose homes and livelihood have been destroyed and our understanding of the devastation that can be wreaked has been brought home to us.  It gives me a sense of impermanence, a deep underlying anxiety about what else is in store for us to deal with and a frustration that people cannot understand that we cannot keep tinkering with the earth and pulling gas and oil from the core without suffering consequences.

So, it's even more important to celebrate the goodness that is in the world, while we also acknowledge the suffering.  My mission here today is to share with you some of  the moments of goodness that have sustained me over the last month or so.

The first is of course the joy I find whenever I walk along the ocean coastline on the Mornington Peninsula and swim in my favourite ocean pool at the Sorrento back beach.  Particularly when the tide is up, but the pool is still demarcated, the sheer pleasure of swimming in a reasonably placid but deep pool of clean ocean water, while watching the power of the surf coming in and out is a wonderful way to be reminded of the goodness and power of nature and the joys it can provide as well as the devastation.

Some of my mum's great grandchildren at the family gathering at McLelland Sculpture Park

 The second is my family, we had an extended family get together with my mother who now has little idea of who we are, often thinks I am her sister, but clearly loves being surrounded by her children and grandchildren.  While we have the usual family tensions, it is good to get beyond them and find the joy in the connections, particularly with my own family and the nieces and great nieces and nephews. And it has been good for my soul to have Em, one of my daughters over here and having time with her, her sister Beci  and the always so delightful grandchildren.  It does seem, (rather strangely, given I was not a particulalry good cook when they were small, although food was always an important part of our being together) that we make our best connections over food.  This time we went to DOC in Carlton for the most delicious ever Mozzarella and pizzas and celebrated the launch of my son in laws new venture the Taco Truck.

Continuing on that theme, this weekend I had the opportunity to take the two grandsons down to the beach house and had a most magical evening while the sun was setting, swimming in the bay, Tyke showing me how well he can snorkel and Ari having the loveliest time on the boogie board.  Being able to share my love of the water is certainly a high point and the best nourishment for my soul.  Though Ari reminded me of the constant signs of the fragility of life when he sought reassurance that his little friends in Tokyo who he visited with his family last year were 'safe'. 

So the lesson I think is to be with the ones you love, celebrate the good things that happen while grieving with the people effected the bad things that can happen.  Live for the moment and live simply so we tread lightly on this earth.



A berry clafoutis made by the other half on our new blog



Finally of course the goodness of food carefully prepared by friends and family always helps to bring a smile to my heart.  On that note, I am starting a new blog with a friend so watch this space for a link.  It will focus on the food and alcohol we need to help us survive those moments in life that seem unsurvivable and to celebrate the good things in our life.  Luckily my friend is an excellent cook (unlike me) and also has the most amazing ability to grow vegetables and eggs courtesy of her chickens. 

wild weather and what to eat and drink

Apples on our tree - will use them tonight to make my current favourite apple crumble using nuts and butter for the crumble

Rocket from the garden, the doona stealing weasel does most of the gardening producing corn, cucumbers and tomatoes at the moment, but I do the rocket, lettuce and spinachy things

Jac ignoring the warnings about swimming in floodwater - the bikepath in our local park

 

Well it's been a crazy weather time in Australia, Queensland floods Victorian floods, Cyclones and more floods here. I am sitting in my study with no lights because we have water dripping through the light fitting from the latest storm. Waiting waiting for the builder designated by the insurance company to contact us, but knowing we must be a long way from the top of the list because so many people are worse off. We have no wet carpet, still have some power so food in fridge is okay and we can cook, what else do we need? The woman on the phone for the insurance company was delightful, said she hadn't had lunch because everytime she stopped she saw there were over 400 calls waiting so wanted to help respond to them. It took over half an hour for me to get through so I did appreciate it

Melbourne is living up to it's 'if you don't like the weather just wait' reputation. 40 degrees last week, hot and sticky on Friday and today we are down to 19 and cold with minimums of 12 forecast for this week. Love it, never boring.

The sun is shining even though it's cold, the garden is so well watered, the tanks are full, we have lots of cucumbers in our garden, the world is a pretty good place.

Life has been hectic with the doona stealing weasel's son and family here for a week. I learnt how to play scrabble with an IPAD and using Iphones as the rack for the letters - interesting experience! And we went to Geelong adventure park - recommended for fun, though poor old Ari missed out on lots f things because you had to be 1.2 metres to go on many of the water slides. He did try to tell the man guarding the entrance to the Aqua Racer that he was that high but to no avail, still the tiny tots area was great and we all had a ball... I did not have to try the scary water slides as I had the excuse of having to stay with Ari (memo to self do not take boys when Ari is 1.2 metres high).  Made a pavlova for them and have a photo now to prove it...

But relaxed this weekend at Rye with Annie, some sparkling wine, those delicious white anchovies, ciabatta, freshly picked tomatoes and rocket, fried haloumi cheese and delicious chocolate from the always reliable Aldis. Little nervous though after a report of a snake being seen in the backyard and slithering off to shelter in next doors long grass. I don't mind snakes too much, I know they'll try to keep away from me, but worry about the lovely Jac deciding it would be a fun thing to chase, so kept her locked in at night time. Had bellbirds in the back yard - beautiful sound always, and so many pelicans, they must be celebrating all the water lying around.

Swam in the bay after the storm with grey skies and the most amazingly green sparkling water, quite weird. Put up a new clothesline to replace the one that keeps breaking down there - made an old fashioned one using rope and trees, it worked and looked beautiful from the decking with the towels and sheets flapping in the wind. I will just have to make sure laundry is always colour coordinated and bright! And invented a doovylacker to keep out the flies and mossies for the front door, by using shade cloth some dowling and few lead weights - pure genius, photos to come.....

And now for my attempt at Haiku

The rain is falling

water leaking from the roof

will the roof fall in?

The rain stops for a moment

oh and now the sun is shining

makes a garden paradise

Melbourne summertime!

the bob that sailed away

I am not sure if it's appropriate at the moment to be writing a blog about something that's sailing away when we are in the middle of the horror of the Queensland floods where we hear reports of people in Brisbane watching fridges, pontoons, whole trees and in Grantham, houses, floating along the flood waters. It is a major tragedy which will take communities a long time to recover from.

However, I feel the need to tell you our bob story. Because we were planning to come down to the beach house, I thought it would be nice for Christmas to get Ari a blow up beach toy. Luckily I work with a woman whose husband has a Clark Rubber store, so I asked her to bring in a selection for me. And I chose Bob.. a very strange shaped toy - maybe resembling a sea horse, or a strange seal? But it was orange with pink spots so I thought Ari would like it. We brought it down to the beach house and then faced the problem of blowing it up! I tried with my air, but soon realised it might not get blown up until next Christmas. T tried too. Then we went down to the disposal store and bought a foot pump! T proved an expert at the foot pump and he blew it up quite quickly and it was BIG. Probably bigger than Ari!

So off we go to the beach, T A and me. T rode on it first,it was fine, good fun. Then it was A's turn. I went beside him and he managed fine, because of the shape it was a bit hard to balance, it was sort of seahorse shaped or strangely banana shaped, so he could sit on it quite easily,but the balance was a bit tricky. However, he managed and was floating along quite finely with me walking beside him when VOILA! (Harriet's influence here) he fell off. So of course, my focus was on saving him, which we did quite successfully, alas, while I was busily saving A, the bob decided to float out to the open sea (If you can call the bay open sea) anyway it headed off in the general direction of the city! So with T standing in the shallow water I grabbed A and headed off after the 'bob' as we decided to call it after watching it bob way from us. It was a windy day and the wind blew that bob -remember it was bigger than A, out to sea further and further away. T decided to follow us and pushed his way through chest high water until he came to the sandbank, where I realised the chase was futile. T was distressed! Go and get it Grandma he yelled as it bobbed away into the distance.

We stood and watched, while I gave a little and much unappreciated talk on the Buddhist concept of attachment and learning to let things go. As we walked back to shore we continued to watch the orange and pink bob growing smaller and smaller. Just as we arrived at the beach we saw a motorboat pull up next to our bob and pull it into their boat. Then they motored off in the direction of Sorrento - they did not think to come into shore to see who had lost a bob! They were bob stealers! So we had a discussion about what might happen to the bob, our favoured interpretation was that it would be given to a poor unfortunate child who did not get any Christmas presents. And on that thought and the promise to revisit the disposal store to replace bob with a more practical blow up toy, everyone was happy. I lay on the sand while the boys had a wonderful time on the rocks. The replacement ended up being a most peculiar looking cow which, most importantly, had handles which we could thread a rope through and which I found the next day, made a very comfortable back rest while the boys played, splashed and collected jellyfish.

The moral I think is, don't have floating beach toys that you can't attach a rope too, and, if you do, prepare children who may be involved with a talk on the Buddhist concept of attachment, or non attachment which is more appropriate, and make your first priority the child who falls off rather than the material thing, which can be replaced even if it is with a very strange looking cow.

conundrum of an early morning visitor

A completley unrelated photo of the grandchildren playing with

Glow sticks on New Years Eve - my last photo for 2010!

This is something I need some feedback on. This morning around 3.00am the dog started barking furiously, then the doorbell rang, after I had struggled out of a deep sleep, stumbled around the house to get a dressing gown and got my head together I turned on the front porch light and asked who it was, of course fearing that it was the police bringing bad news about someone or some other crisis.

The reply was,

'hello love, my name is Val and I need to get back to Box Hill and don't have any money - could you give me some money for a taxi?"

I could see through the glass a short, older slightly dishevelled woman with a shaved head. The dog was continuing to bark, Val continued talking along the lines of she was a pensioner - (she held up her pension card to the glass so I could see) , she didn't want to be a nuisance, but if I could help her get home she would appreciate it.

Now, I am used to dealing with people who are less fortunate than I am and who may be a little confused or even aggravated. Where I work we have a needle exchange and I never get fussed if I am working late and someone rings the bell to get a pack for the night. I deal quite calmly with people who 'lose it', who are agitated or upset. I often give money to the people who frequent Melbourne's streets asking for money. I am intrigued that most commonly they say they need it for fares to get home and home is always a long way away (we must have the best travelled asking for money class around the world), but I also feel comfortable saying no when I feel like it, though I generally try to be pleasant about it. I cope with all of that. I see myself as a compassionate person, and have a problem managing money because I generally don't see that I have a greater right to it than anybody else. But somehow this door to door approach threw me completely,

First I thought 'well she might really be distressed and unable to get home - I can't just leave her on my doorstep'. Then I thought, 'but what if there is a whole gang of people (or even one) behind her waiting to rush the door to attack me and the doona stealing weasel (henceforth known as the DSW) , and take me down to the ATM to steal all our hard earned cash - and they probably wouldn't shut the door behind them, leaving the dog at risk of escaping or getting squished by a passing car.' Then I thought 'why me - do I have some kind of light over my head saying come and have a go at me, I am a sucker?'. Then it was ' but she looks harmless enough and what if I don't give her money and she gets attacked on the way home and suffers post traumatic distress for the rest of her life.' The DSW was of a mind to just pretend it wasn't happening and go back to bed.

I decided to give her some money but wanted to work out a way of doing it where I would not feel unsafe. I looked in my wallet and had two $50.00 notes - oh no if I give her that much that would be a green flag to just keep on coming back. I scrabbled around for a five dollar note and the change I had in my wallet and put it into an envelope and opened the side door, called to her and left it on the car. 'Thanks love' she shouted through the closed door, 'how do I get to Box Hill?' I opened the door a crack and pointed to the main road and told her she would find a taxi there and she wandered off.

The dog finally stopped barking, the DSW went back to bed and started snoring. And I was left.. wondering.... had I done the right thing? Should I have called her a taxi and paid the taxi driver? What was she doing walking down our street at 3.00 in the morning (no shops or pubs or other public gathering places)? Should I have called the police - what if she was casing the houses in our street for burglary? What if she had come to the side door which was unlocked and just walked in the house? Would we have woken up? Would she have woken us up?

It unsettled me, usually I don't worry about locking doors or windows. But now I went around and locked all the doors - too many windows to worry about! I was suddenly aware of how many windows there were in the house and how completeley insecure it was. I could not sleep for the rest of the night. Was she aware of how unsettled she had made me feel? Would she care if she was? How unsettled and difficult must her life be for her to do that - leaving herself so vulnerable?

So my conundrum (or is it a dilemma?) is how does one deal with such situations while retaining a sense of safety and a level of compassion and concern for our fellow human beings?

Oh and the relation to food - to calm myself down I had a lovely piece of the third pavlova I have ever made (sorry still no photo) and a nice cup of green tea.(Should I have offered her pavlova? - it was very good, crisp and crusty outside, soft and marshmallowy on the inside). I pondered opening a small bottle of Prosecco that was in the fridge but thought that could contribute to a sense of nervousness rather than calm me down.

Next blog I will tell you the story of our escapist blow up beach toy, but for the moment I would welcome your advice - what should I do if it happens again - what would you do? And what would you eat or drink to comfort yourself afterwards?